Last week, I wrote about the drama surrounding LifeLine Chat, including one particular commentator's absurd attacks on the service and its press release. Since that article was published, I've come across quite a lengthy discussion on the topic, one which is calmer and slightly more professional, but not altogether more insightful. While trying to minimize the extent to which I repeat myself, today I'm going to deal with a podcast by disgraced former reporters Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes.

Why am I so focused on this story? Well, as LifeLine's most politically vocal volunteer and the person who wrote the press release, I feel the need to defend the statement. It's important to note that the opinions expressed on this blog are very much mine as an individual, not those of LifeLine as an organization. LifeLine takes no official stance on any issue other than "MAPs need safe access to support". Indeed, I think a lot of volunteers would find this commentary a bit extreme, and I am expected to be significantly more moderate and supportive while acting as a volunteer. That said, here goes...

Saying the quiet part out loud

Amy Robach states:

Think about how many people try to control themselves sexually. Period. It's almost impossible. So if you're sexually attracted to a child, how's that work?

Something I mentioned in last week's piece on LifeLine, and indeed in its very own article earlier this year, was that our detractors are applying their own problems with self-control onto MAPs. Wrongly so.

Amy Robach would be a perfect example of this. She lost pretty much everything, including her spouse and her career as a reporter, because she was incapable of keeping her pants on around co-worker T.J. Holmes. Obviously it takes two to tango, and Holmes is just as guilty, but that removes zero culpability from Robach.

She and Holmes, co-host of the very podcast in which they attack LifeLine, ripped both of their second families apart because they just couldn't control their sexual urges. Robach then went on the attack against her former spouse, trying to paint him as the bad guy after she had been cheating on him with another celebrity.

Based on her comments, it sounds like Robach feels she would absolutely force herself on a child if she were a MAP. She can barely comprehend someone being attracted to children and not doing that. But Robach's take doesn't make MAPs monsters. It makes Robach a monster. It's the same with the Signore guy I responded to in last week's article. Allegations by multiple women make him sound barely short of a rapist.

I'm a MAP, and I'm the complete opposite of monsters like Robach and Signore. I teach students I'm attracted to. I have a group of young friends who play at my house. And yet I don't find it hard to control my sexual urges. I certainly don't consider it almost impossible. I'm not engaging in sexual contact with any of the children I know either professionally or socially; the harms that sociolegal responses might cause to both child and adult are just too severe. For a decent person like myself, it's perfectly possible to have romantic and sexual feelings for children, and channel them for good.

How dare MAPs be defiant?!

Following Robach's commentary on her fairly disturbing self-control problem, she and Holmes then attack LifeLine for being "defiant". Apparently LifeLine should have held its hands up and apologized for... well, I'm not sure exactly. LifeLine hasn't done anything wrong.

LifeLine doesn't claim to be a service staffed by professionals. It doesn't state that discussion about children is prohibited (we have just added a rule against making demeaning comments following an influx of new users). It doesn't require users to whip themselves while screaming through tears for their sexual feelings to magically go away. And nor should it do any of those things, because that wouldn't be healthy. Healthier people make better decisions than those who are mentally unstable, for the good of everyone. Without resources like LifeLine, young MAPs would grow up being told only that they're monsters who cannot control their feelings and will inevitably rape children. I ask... is that better? Especially when most MAPs realize their sexual orientation around the age of 16, when they are highly vulnerable to the extreme rhetoric blasted across social media.

LifeLine's press release presented MAPs as victims because that's exactly what we are. Most MAPs are extremely distressed about having to remain closeted, about the risk of outing, and about feeling unable to even mentor children, which is as much a part of our orientation as the sexual attraction. Then there's the whole absurdity of the possession of erotica being criminalized, even when it doesn't depict a real child. You can read more about how MAPs are victims in Mu's FAQ.

We saw with the case of LifeLine's alleged celebrity visitor that merely talking about an attraction to children was enough to be canceled, to have people call for death and other forms of violence on social media, to be treated as far worse than a literal rapist. If people are demanding you be brutally murdered for merely talking about your feelings, for having a particular sexual orientation, you are very much a victim.

Perhaps some were confused by the reference to BoyMoment galleries in one of the leaked images, which they assumed to mean child pornography. BoyMoment's galleries are not child pornography; the site has been online for more than twenty years, and its galleries are no doubt the MAP equivalent of the Sears catalog. But that ignorance should not be forgiven; those who assumed it must be child pornography had absolutely no right to make such an assumption based on their prejudices, nor to defame LifeLine by making an accusation as Robach did.

Alas, it seems that everything a MAP does must involve something dreadfully sinister in the eyes of the public. Despite being fully aware that LifeLine is intended as a support site, Holmes asks what a well-intentioned person even is on a 'pedophile site', as if the only options are to plot the rape of children or trade child pornography. That's insane, and an excellent illustration of how MAPs are expected to live in misery, isolation and self-hatred, under the assumption they must do nothing but 'evil'.

MAPs are not being extreme or even remotely defiant by demanding the bare minimum of respect. The vast majority of MAPs are far too peaceful and passive. We need to be way more aggressive in our responses.

A reference to lynching?

Robach asked Holmes, a black person, how he felt about the reference to an alleged MAP being lynched. The implication was that MAPs are not suffering discrimination, whereas black people historically did.

White people's treatment of black people, historically and persisting to an extent through to the present day, has been horrific. So is the treatment of MAPs in the contemporary western world. The two are not dissimilar.

These days, MAPs are thoroughly dehumanized and accused of all kinds of awful things, even when we do nothing but exist. The exact same was historically done to black people, to justify horrors ranging from segregation to literal slavery. I'm sure many readers will scream about how it's all so different, but it isn't. White people back then believed black people were evil sub-humans, just as western people think of MAPs in 2026. The only difference is the target.

Of course, MAPs are not literally hung from ropes. It's not the 1890s. That's why I described the lynching as a metaphorical one. But MAPs are bullied relentlessly, driven and baited to kill themselves... and in the case of registered sex offenders, murdered brutally by vigilantes who find their names on public registries. Not all of those sex offenders had done something terrible, either. (Read more about my thoughts on criminalized images and criminalized relationships.)

I don't think referring to a "metaphorical lynching", in relation to an alleged MAP whose career was destroyed for supposedly visiting a chat room, was far off the mark.

They should be ashamed!

Robach and Holmes spend a while talking about how MAPs should feel ashamed, not be affirmed. They claim that LifeLine doesn't offer therapeutic support because it acts a community with "locker room talk" and is not staffed by professionals. I dealt with that in last week's article:

In my twenty years of experience as a MAP activist and amateur counselor of other MAPs, I understand that many sexual offenses are committed not because people are 'too horny', but because their mental health has collapsed and they just don't care any more. This could be a result of matters inherent to their sexual orientation, a consequence of the massive stigma MAPs constantly have to deal with, something else entirely, or a combination of factors. The solution is to help them work through their issues, not simply saying "thinking about kids is bad... mmkay?". Sexual offending is not a simple matter, and nor is mental health. The organization frequently recommended by ignorant bastards, Stop It Now!, says absolutely nothing about MAP stigmatization and how that might affect a person's mental health and behavior.

Making MAPs feel ashamed of their feelings increases the risk of negative consequences both for themselves and others. It makes some MAPs believe they are monsters, encouraging them to act accordingly. On the contrary, allowing people to laugh and joke about their feelings, while a firm line is still maintained on behavior, helps to prevent bad outcomes.

There's nothing wrong with focusing on MAP welfare

Holmes claims that LifeLine's press release says nothing about the safety or welfare of children. Signore said the same. As I wrote in my article responding to him:

The press release made reference to "diverting users from making bad decisions that would have endangered themselves or others". It explained that MAPs "need a place to talk, ensuring better mental health, leading to more positive outcomes for themselves and their local communities."

I think there are two things going on here.

1. To people like Signore, Robach and Holmes, children are not seen as actual members of "the community", but as more or less the property of their parents. It's evident in how the latter two talk about their own kids. References to "the community" don't apply to children in their eyes, even though it seemed obvious to me when writing the press release.
2. The public are unable to accept that what is good for MAP mental health can also be good for children. They're too focused on bullying MAPs for sport to even think about it. To them, the only way to make things better for children, and to feel better about themselves, is to bully MAPs more, to make MAPs feel worse.

Robach goes on a dramatic tirade about how the press release makes no reference to the "devastation and pain" caused by child abuse. But why would LifeLine be expected to do that? There exist many charities to raise awareness about abuse. LifeLine does not pretend to be one of them. LifeLine ultimately exists to help MAPs, and in doing so, it helps to prevent child abuse. The fact that so many people don't get this is astounding.

There's also the much-neglected point that even if the effect on children is net neutral, MAPs deserve to live happy and fulfilling lives. Why should we not enjoy a decent life purely because of our sexuality? It's not like anyone woke up one day and decided to be attracted to children, and it's not as if everyone attracted to children is necessarily doing anything wrong. Personally, I wish all the people who demand we live in misery could just be thrown off a bridge. Most of them have no interest whatsoever in protecting children; they just want to see a marginalized group suffer. The so-called 'predator hunter' groups, hunting humans for sport, are an excellent example of this.

I also need to add that even if one accepts the claim that "children can't consent" at face value, that's hardly a condemnation of people who haven't acted on their feelings. 'Normal' people fantasize constantly about adults who wouldn't consent to sex with them. The fact that those adults hypothetically could means nothing at all when they very much wouldn't. Indeed, according to the standards of those who deem MAPs evil merely for 'fantasizing about those who can't/wouldn't consent', the entire world should be put through one of their woodchippers. Quite an absurd proposition.

MAPs are no different to anyone else, and deserve the same happiness as every other member of society.

The world's worst parents

Both Robach and Holmes have been through multiple divorces, some of which took place while they had children. Putting a child through divorce is one of the most traumatic things you can do to them. And when that divorce is a consequence of whoring around - whether as a man or woman - you are a terrible parent. Even worse, some of their kids were old enough at the time to understand what had been done, and to appreciate just how selfish it was. To have to accept that one of your parents cares more about a 5-second orgasm than your entire future must be absolutely crushing. So I have to say... before Robach and Holmes acted all holier-than-thou about LifeLine not referencing "devastation and pain", and about how one should be ashamed of an attraction to children, they should have looked in the fucking mirror.

Getting divorced is also one of the best ways to push your child toward a MAP. Children who are missing an adult in their life seek out any adult who is willing to be there. Obviously, there's a fair chance that person will be a MAP. That is not necessarily a bad thing, though it's very clear that Robach and Holmes would deem it so... despite putting their children at risk of it. As I explained in last week's post:

I've written before about how MAPs are much-needed. Not because I want to be one of those creeps who claim that "kids are begging for it", but because a lot of kids do need someone to mentor and care for them. Unlike people such as Signore, who allegedly can't keep their hands (or anything else) to themselves, most MAPs - the ones you don't hear about on the news - are perfectly capable of acting as a mentor without getting all diddly. The middle classes in richer countries will laugh out loud, and ask why you can't just pay a background-checked professional to do that. Of course, those snooty motherfuckers think the whole world is the same as their cookie-cutter suburb in America. It isn't.

I've traveled through numerous poorer communities. I live in one. People struggle. Kids don't have access to the luxuries they may have in America. If parents are busy, they might not have an adult to help guide and protect them. Other adults help pick up the slack, and in my local community, one of those people is me.

I have a group of young friends who get a hell of a lot out of our friendship. There's no caveat; unlike the Signores of this world, I don't ask for sexual favors in return because I'm not a piece of shit. My YFs are the luckiest damn kids in town! I've seen other boys look enviously at them when they see all the things my YFs get treated to.

Minor-attraction is not something that should be extinguished. Its brilliant side, the one that drives altruistic love and mentoring, should be celebrated and encouraged. If anything, we need more confident yet responsible MAPs, not fewer. Anyone who disagrees is projecting their own lack of self-control.

Conclusion

I've talked a lot about how awful and vicious our detractors are, whether they're generally hateful or projecting their own shortcomings onto others. Following Signore last week, the world's worst parents provide another fantastic example of this in action.

But our detractors can fuck right off. MAPs shouldn't live silent, miserable lives. MAPs should build communities to support each other, which is better for them and for everyone they meet. I want healthy MAPs, fully engaged in life, working with and mentoring children while behaving responsibly. And I won't be swayed by those who laugh, belittle, or scream at the very thought.

Many people will find this post absolutely horrifying. I find them absolutely horrifying. I guess the only option is a culture war.