I've written before about how those telling us to 'get help' can get fucked. Such comments tend to be directed at anyone not ashamed of their feelings, regardless of whether there is any intention of acting on them.

I stand by what I said, but I do feel there is a need to emphasize the difference between affirmative support, particularly between peers, and the awful kind of 'help' that our detractors demand.

Backdrop

Recently, I read a few comments about my writings, which included people insisting I must 'target boys' because I 'can't get a woman'. Someone chimed in with the revelation that I'm in fact 'gay', which led to others then joking that I must be really fucked up if I couldn't even find a gay partner.

Obviously there is much wrong with those comments. First of all, I'm not attracted to adults. The thought of having sex with a man or woman is deeply unpleasant to me; I want that no more than a regular straight man wants to be fucked in the ass by a dude. Second, I'm not 'targeting boys' at all. I'm attracted to them, work with them, and mentor them.

There do exist situational offenders; people who are mostly attracted to adults but find sex with a kid to be more convenient according to random happenstance. But those people are not identifying as MAPs, and especially not running pro-MAP blogs and forums. I am basically the opposite of a situational offender... someone attracted to kids but not pursuing sexual relationships.

When you see comments demanding you 'get help' as a MAP, they are coming from individuals with the level of ignorance and misunderstanding described above. And if you go through their social media posts, many such people are not just hateful toward MAPs, but toward a variety of groups. There's an argument that they are concerned not about protecting children, but about maintaining an entity 'beneath' them, and are thus distressed by the much-subjugated MAPs declaring that they're not ashamed. Their version of you 'getting help' means being taught to feel terrible about your feelings, which only increases the risk of acting out.

Or perhaps such commentators think 'getting help' would... convert you to straightness or gayness? Conversion therapy for gay men was a thing for a disgustingly long time, and still has its niche followers (mostly of the Christian persuasion). It's crucial to remember that you can't change your sexual orientation, no matter how much 'therapy' you receive. If you're attracted to children, you will always be so. Likewise, you can't wave a magic wand and make yourself attracted to adults; sexuality just doesn't work that way.

And if you were thinking of telling a therapist that you're attracted to children and struggling with self-control, well... best of luck. Most western countries have mandatory reporting requirements, and there's a very good chance your doctor will take the 'safe' approach by reporting you to the authorities. You do not want to go down that road. It's a pity, because helping those MAPs who do struggle with self-control would make children safer. Alas, that is not what MAP hysteria is ultimately about.

The need for affirmative support

Many MAPs are suffering not from their sexual orientation itself, but from the effects of stigmatization, criminalization, and loneliness. A lot of MAPs take to heart the constant demonization of their sexuality, the lumping in with those who would literally commit rape, and the mass censorship of MAP voices that makes them feel all alone. The criminalization of virtually any expression of one's sexuality takes its toll, too; even AI images and cartoons are illegal in many jurisdictions. Meanwhile, the generational apartheid imposed in much of the world leads to many MAPs being unable to find a YF, increasing loneliness further.

B4U-ACT exists to help MAPs find safe professional support. They maintain a list of vetted therapists who are interested in working with MAPs in a non-judgmental manner, not making MAPs feel ashamed of their sexuality. These therapists also know exactly where to draw the line on reporting, so unless you disclose that you're actively doing something illegal or are planning to do so, you are relatively safe. I know someone who worked with one of their therapists, and he found it helpful at that particular point in his life. Unfortunately, therapy isn't cheap, and face-to-face options with B4U-ACT therapists are mostly limited to North America.

This is where sites like LifeLine, for whom I volunteer, come in. LifeLine is a real-time text-based chat that can offer affirmative peer support, helping MAPs to feel better, not worse, about their sexuality and all of the external issues that come with it. Most volunteers are not trained professionals, but are experienced in living as a MAP and finding ways to cope. Unlike Virtuous Pedophiles, who will preach to you endlessly while their staff actively molest children, LifeLine volunteers will listen and try to help regardless of your philosophical stance and sexual history. We aren't going to call the cops if you tell us that you're struggling with self-control, and we'll try our best to help you not do anything stupid. We just ask that you follow rules intended to keep everyone safe.

LifeLine is open only when a volunteer is available, largely to prevent misuse. There is a weekly schedule, as well as random openings throughout the week. Registration is automatically enabled when the chat is open, and disabled when the chat is closed. Contrary to widespread belief among the MAP community, you don't need to have a serious problem to come and talk with us. Simply chatting and joking with peers can be helpful in itself, and we do get blatantly silly at times. The caveat, however, is that those bringing serious concerns to the table need to be listened to and respected, remembering LifeLine's ultimate goal. If you're afraid of being identified, you're welcome to use Tor with JavaScript turned off, although doing the latter will disable some peripheral features.

Summary

While hateful demands for MAPs to 'get help' deserve to be met with resounding refusal and aggression, affirmative support is another matter entirely. Being a MAP is difficult largely due to stigmatization and its consequences, and affirmative support - whether professional or among peers - is at least a partial solution to this.