Back when I was a cute little boy, other boys would naturally want to play with me. In most cases, something would make me uncomfortable, and I would metaphorically or quite literally push them away. I was very sensitive throughout my formative years, and had serious trouble getting along with other kids as a result. I actually think my attraction to boys is a consequence of not forming proper connections with other boys as a child myself.

Fast forward to today, and well, I am the teacher who can laugh along with troublesome adolescent boys - and teach them properly at the same time - when other teachers are waving the white flag. School admins love me for this. Quite a reversal. But is it?

I recently moved to a developing country. I'm still working as a teacher, and already popular with cute tween boys at work, including those I don't actually teach. Earlier today, I immediately had a group of beautiful 11-12 year old boys gathered around me as I arrived and sat down to do something. One of them started rubbing my leg, while their actual teacher - who is not me - looked on enviously at the love I was receiving. I am an incredibly weird guy, but people find me irresistibly interesting and try to connect.

The thing is, you're always by default the person you were as a kid, or you're at least programmed that way. And so, I still more or less push people away, even if I did somehow enjoy a temporary reprieve from that as a young adult. Last year, I wrote a post on Mu Forum about how I essentially declined an opportunity to make YFs despite it basically being presented to me on a silver platter.

Tonight, I went to buy beer from a tiny local store. When I got there, a group of people were drinking together. A sexy shirtless boy was also there, along with another boy. The store owner was very curious about me, and encouraged me to drink with her and her friends; she almost wouldn't take no for an answer! Of course, like the child I was before, I declined. I did have another thing to do, and I was tired from a busy day at work, but really... that kind of interaction is ultimately how you make YFs in developing countries. I should have just said yes.

Likewise, the atmosphere at work, where cute boys are magnetically drawn to me, is just not quite that with which I'd be comfortable in making YFs of students. And I probably could. Students are already curious about where I live. That's what happens when you actually treat students like people, instead of problems to be solved!

The conclusion? I'm a terrible pedophile. Not one who abuses children, but one who - just like he did as a kid - keeps everyone at arm's length when everything could be so much easier. I even had some boys from a western country, who live locally, try to start a conversation. I ignored them entirely, because I despise their country.

It's quite hilarious that some people on social media think of me as a wildly dangerous pedophile. I mean, I am very much a pedophile - and one who draws boys without much effort - but also one with so many boundaries that nothing will ever happen. Sometimes you are your own worst enemy...