A lot of what I write about is MAP-related, either directly or tangentially. And in addition to sharing my thoughts on this blog, I also participate on a variety of MAP sites, where my opinions are often no less contentious than they are to the wider public. In this more personal article, I'll talk about why I write so provocatively.

Building, not echoing

A lot of people, including those on MAP sites, seek to exist within an echo chamber. That's why we have cults like VirPed, as well as some pretty extreme communities on the pediverse. People want to pat each other's backs, to feel warm and fuzzy through their peers' approval. The thing is, I don't really feel it, at least not like most people. I do enjoy interacting with other MAPs in my weekend LifeLine sessions, but I don't want to spend my life sat at a keyboard typing "woah, me too" or "boys are so cute" all day. I don't need the affirmation. Instead, I like to build.

What does it mean to build? I'm trying to build a base of arguments - whether they be essays, forum posts, or whatever else - that can be used by activists who are good with people. Repeating the same old shit within echo chambers doesn't achieve this. Of course, I do need people to be endorsing my arguments, otherwise I'm still wasting my time. I need those with better social skills, who are more in tune with others. I will continue to operate on thought logic to an extreme, my natural state, not on how my words might make people feel.

Holding a mirror, shining a light

A lot of my articles rub people the wrong way, as they offer radical and deeply discomforting takes on contentious issues. I am very much aware of this.

Pushing readers beyond their comfort zone is necessary. Most people lie to themselves relentlessly because dealing with the truth on a constant basis is incredibly stressful. The reality of the world, and of existence itself, is utterly dreadful, especially if you're a MAP. It's understandable that most don't care to see.

And yet, apparently quite the sadist, I think it's vitally important to challenge this, to break down these barriers of delusion. I believe in holding up a mirror to the world, shining a flashlight at everything that is wrong, and forcing people to stare until they finally fucking see it. To see the horrors they inflict not only through their active behavior but also their passive acceptance of wrongness and evil. Crucially, this strikes at the very heart of MAP oppression.

'Child protection' is a lie

The Nazis didn't just argue that Jews were gross, so people should hate them. Homophobes didn't just say that gay sex was uncomfortable to their sensibilities, so it should be illegal. They made excuses. They claimed that the threat was harmful.

Can you guess where I'm going?

Those who argue against MAPs and MAP rights will claim that x needs to be prohibited because it's harmful to 'children'. It started with claims that adult-minor sexual contact was harmful. Later, the production of child pornography was deemed harmful, and then its possession because it 'fueled a market'. This was later extended to people downloading pirated images (which of course does not fuel a market), to then criminalizing cartoons and AI images, and so on. Each time the prohibition is escalated, the arguments of harm grow flimsier. Although I suppose the old argument of 'a child is abused every time their image is viewed' has always been patently absurd.

There are two explanations for the overt failures of logic in anti-MAP argumentation and policy-making:

• People are stupid enough to truly believe these logical fallacies.
• 'Child protection' is a game played to justify prejudice.

Now, a lot of ugliness and general unpleasantness in the world can be put down to the stupidity of the average person - or rather, the fact that people invent a litany of bullshit morals they can't process logically, under the ridiculous pretense that they are something more than a slightly less hairy ape. But it is not only from low-intelligence individuals that we see the logically absurd arguments. When it comes to MAPs, some otherwise logical and intellectually functional people, who espouse tolerance in every other way, happily disseminate blatantly illogical arguments that they are quite capable of deconstructing should they wish to do so. The implication is clear, and horrific:

People don't want MAPs locked up (or executed) to protect children; they want to imprison or murder us for who we are.

If this sounds too extreme to be true, take a look at what policy researchers say when the mask drops.

The game stops with MAPs first

Unfortunately, a lot of MAPs fall for the game of pretend, believing that we only need to explain how we don't want to hurt anyone. That's not to say we shouldn't do this; we should continue to push arguments that deal with the most ridiculous logical fallacies, as they are quite easy to dismantle. But this must not be the only focus, as it's playing along with the lie that MAP oppression is a misguided attempt at child protection.

Our enemies, especially those on the right, talk about the danger of MAP normalization. They are terrified that we are trying to 'normalize pedophilia'. And the reason they are terrified is because, deep down, they know that this is the best path toward MAP liberation. 'Harm reduction' is rarely a true driver of policy-making, as the link above illustrates quite perfectly.

I'll outline my proposals for community activism in more detail in my upcoming MAP manifesto. You can expect them to focus quite heavily on normalizing MAPness and not merely surrendering to the 'harm reduction' narrative.

As for the anger...

Prior to my MAP activism, I worked an incredibly high-pressure job. I saw the absolute worst in people, and had to deal with placating those whose arguments were driven by pure emotion and zero logic. While in the middle of that, my YF betrayed me and couldn't even own up and say sorry, one of my best MAP friends was arrested for consensual sexual contact, and another killed himself over MAP-related drama.

I became very mentally unstable, couldn't get mental health support safely as a MAP, quit my high-pressure job, and took a position for which I am very much overqualified. I miss my incarcerated and dead friends, feel hugely under-stimulated and unchallenged in my current role, and generally resent the fact that I had to pursue the life I did in order to be able to spend time with boys. In fact, I feel so utterly disillusioned with everything that I recently ignored a boy asking to visit my home to hang out, which pretty much defeats the point of having pursued a career that would allow me to spend time with boys! Alas, it's too late to change career, and I have no intention of going back to my 'home country'; its treatment of MAPs has illuminated its evil beyond even the faintest glimmer of salvation.

If MAP hysteria were all some misguided attempt at protecting children, I may be somewhat sympathetic to the world, less angry. But having spent the past 18 months researching and thinking the issue to death, there is only one logical conclusion. It is that the hysteria is nothing more than a witch hunt, a blood sport, a genocide or a holocaust in waiting. There will come a day when they can identify us, and when that day comes, you can absolutely expect that we will be locked up (or worse) for our thoughts.

The reality is thoroughly nightmarish. Most MAPs traverse the Earth with their fingers covering their eyes, because to move with their eyes wide open is horrifying. I won't pretend that doing MAP activism, sorting through all the nonsense to get to the truth, has made me feel any better. Indeed, there is an argument that knowing is the worst part. However, the many visceral terrors that MAPs have to face; incarceration, suicide, and murder - these continue due in part to the lies that MAPs tell themselves in order to feign a life of detached apathy. Looking away for the selfish sake of inner peace would be fundamentally wrong.

And the talk of violence?

I don't want to encourage readers to engage in violence. It may have helped in past civil rights movements, but we now live in a very different world. These days, governments quickly resort to 'mental health' whitewashing, accusations of terrorism, or whatever else they can use to distract from the veracity of the ideology being thrust in their face. We've already seen one MAP go postal, and it didn't help us at all. For Islamic militants, the political violence perpetrated by their extremists has only made things much worse for their cause, even though their hatred of the west is very much justified.

But the risk of people being pushed to whatever unpleasant outcome, be it violence, sexual aggression, or anything else? This is real, and a reasonable point to raise, not as a threat but as a warning. At no point have I stated that I will engage in violence, or that others should engage in premeditated violence, and nor will I ever do so. However, our arguments should not be sickly sweet, perfumed with roses, some perfectly arranged charm offensive. People are motivated by fear more than love, and warning that MAP oppression will potentially harm them, beyond anything that our spokespeople could possibly control, is a solid argument.

As for legitimate self-defense? I encourage MAPs to defend themselves to the fullest extent of the law. We recently saw a case in which a bystander knocked a vigilante unconscious in response to a presumably aggressive confrontation. The person was arrested for doing so - of course in this case it wouldn't be self-defense - but it did make quite the point. The 'pedo-hunting' vigilantes are nothing but bullies seeking an easy target, one they can hound to death mercilessly without consequences. And well... they faced consequences. If MAPs targeted like this stopped cowering in fear, and actually defended themselves, the bullying would quickly stop.

I think my work on this issue has been balanced, and my detractors have not always been responding in good faith. But, as with much of my work, I'm here mostly to form arguments that can be finessed by others. If nobody is willing to do that, you get this socially inept logician as your representative instead.

To conclude...

It would be easy to portray some of my writing, especially the stuff I've done outside of Mu, as the ramblings of a bitter and depressed man. And I fully accept that my negative experiences of late have led me down this path. But what set me down the path, and how I got to the destination, do not really matter. The conclusions of the work I've done remain logically valid; the bitterness affects only the presentation, the way the message is communicated.

Some people see me a miserable asshole, pushing dangerous ideologies that only worsen our appearance in the eyes of the public. Their opinions will not deter me. I see myself as the person who forces everyone to confront a dreadful reality, the stuff of nightmares, one that can't be disappeared through ignorance or denial. MAPs can only crawl around on their knees, with their fingers over their eyes and their thumbs in their ears, for so long. Don't blame the man who shines a light on the terror that lurks. One day, it will come for you.