Guest blog by MAP community member John Tawvnik.

While it is impossible to determine the actual frequency of MAPs deciding to come out, that is, to expose their sexual orientation to others, whether family, friends, a mental health professional, or to the general public, it is clear that there is some amount of MAPs who are taking this action. Seeing as how this can seriously affect the life of the individual coming out and their relationships with others, the utility of this action in both the personal and political sphere must be interrogated.

Personal

When people come out, that is, reveal themselves to be homosexual, and not a MAP, the typical description is one of relief, especially when it is met by acceptance, which is increasingly frequent in Western countries, to the extent to be considered the norm. But what is the chance of acceptance for revealing a sexual preference to children or underage teenagers? Even if there is a feeling of relief to not have this secret anymore, the burden that it places on your relationships is almost sure to be a greater burden. Every interaction with children will be looked at suspiciously, interactions with relatives and friends might be cut off entirely, and it’s not as if there’s an equivalent to gay bars where you can practice your sexual orientation without significant disruption.

Even if you don’t expose yourself to anyone but your closest, most trusted friends or family, and they are totally accepting of your sexual feelings towards children, is there not then a burden placed on them as well, knowing this secret? If someone asks them why you like children so much or why you act the way you do, what should they say?

“Oh, that’s because he’s a pedophile, but don’t worry, he’s one of the good ones.”

That seems like a recipe for disaster. So then they would also have to keep your secret as well.

But what if you expose it to the general public, so it’s a secret to no one and therefore not a burden? Most likely, you are severely limiting your choice of careers, ability to interact with anyone underage, and will be treated with suspicion by everyone who knows who you are or looks you up. You will most likely be the target of police and vigilante groups, who will constantly attempt to find some criminal or suspicious activity you’ve ever done in the past or are currently doing. Even if you don’t do anything, you could be the victim of a framing or smear campaign.

Given the conditions in society, the outlook is objectively negative in the personal sphere. But what are the positives? A sense of relief, a feeling that you can be yourself? These are all internal mental characteristics, not external realities as described above. Though it might not be easy, you can decide how you feel about others knowing about your sexual orientation or not. And if anything, it’s much more possible to (legally) express your preferences when others are unaware of their sexual nature. A seemingly non-MAP adult can, in the right situation, hug or give other physical affection to a child without it being seen as being wrong. An open MAP generally can’t.

Political

But what about as a political statement? The idea behind gays coming out is that if people realize that people they know, public figures, decent people, are gay, then the idea of gays being horrible sinners will go away. Once they turn from a sinister figure to warn people about, to someone that you know, they become human again and they will have a human response.

But MAPs aren’t the same as gays.

The difference is that the way the gay identity has been constructed is as a mirror of the now mainstream straight identity, that is, two people of roughly similar age who love or lust for each other. Even when both partners are of legal age, a significant age difference is often harshly criticized as being predatory. Gays often try to remove any suspicion that they are into men much younger than themselves, since that was historically a common accusation against gay men. In order to gain acceptance, they have tried to show repeatedly that they are the same as normal straight people who stay within the appropriate age ranges. Since then, this fear of age gaps has also been applied to straight people more than it previously was.

So what happens when someone publicly comes out as a MAP? Everything they’ve ever done with anyone younger than themselves is now seen as predatory and suspicious. Maybe this person was the best teacher with all kinds of awards, but now they are a predator who chose this job to prey on children. Maybe this person gave food to the needy, but now they were just looking for their next victim. Because it’s not just an orientation or a preference or your own feelings, in the minds of people, it’s a crime. And not just a perverted act between perverted people, as with how people perceived homosexuality, but an actual predation on those who have no will or capability of their own.

But what if you’re the good kind who’d never even think about touching a child or even looking at a child the wrong way? What if you’re virtuous? Then you’re a ticking time bomb, always on the verge of exploding, i.e. molesting a child. Even one prominent example of the “good MAP” becoming bad will then discredit all the work that the “good MAPs” have done to show that they show no harm. Because their protestations will be seen as deceptions, meant to trick people into opening their guard.

Conclusion

So is coming out a good idea? In today’s social climate, in the overwhelming majority of cases, it is not a good idea and is unlikely to achieve anything, either in one’s personal life or in the political sphere. The analogy that is made between MAPs and homosexuals is a false analogy, because there are key differences in public perception between an adult wanting to be with a child and an adult wanting to be with another adult (of the same sex).

There is no reason to expect acceptance for being attracted to children as long as people think that the act is innately harmful and the feelings are innately predatory. Even if some people separate the feelings from the act, your actions and the actions of MAPs as a whole will always be examined under a microscope and there will always be the risk of reprisal for any perceived transgression.

If you want to come out for personal reasons, instead consider coming to terms that total acceptance from others is illusory and likely to cause more harm than good to your own life.

If you want to come out for political reasons, consider what are the likely ramifications of your actions. Don’t just draw the analogy with the gay movement and think that things will necessarily play out the same way.